


Guilty

by KingNurdle



Category: Mass Effect: Andromeda
Genre: F/F, I hate myself, Self-Indulgent, i closed the browser tab when i was writing this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-19
Updated: 2017-04-19
Packaged: 2018-10-20 18:15:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,214
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10668108
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KingNurdle/pseuds/KingNurdle
Summary: Sara is only 22 and has a lot to bear. So many people are counting on her, looking at her for answers, and some want her dead. Her choices are eating at her but a certain asari makes her realize that maybe all of it is worth it.





	Guilty

**Author's Note:**

> so i had word open to check for grammar issues and what not and i went to close word when i had finished only to close my browser tab. I yelled. Any ways this is very self indulgence as I'm kinda sad that Lexi inst romance able in game. I also started to think a bout Ryder's psyche due to the choices we have to make. So this happened and i ended up writing this at school. so ye. My tumblr is @kingnurdle if you wanna check it out

Sara didn't used to have a hard time sleeping. The moment she hit the bed she'd fall asleep but now because of everything that's happened in the last couple of months she can't sleep. She often ends up falling asleep in random places. The couches in the meeting room, in the bio lab, the tech lab, anywhere but her room. She had nightmares about a lot of things. Failing the Initiative, letting her father down, letting mom down, letting Scott down. The worst ones where when she couldn't save the people she cared about. Where because of her foolishness and inexperience they had to die because of her. When those came into her head she'd have to ask SAM to tell her what their vitals were. To make sure they were still there. But the ones that were truly the worst to her, were the ones where it was Lexi. Of course, she cared for the rest of the crew and what was left of her family, but when it was Lexi, she felt like her world was falling apart. She hadn't intended for them to get so close but they did. She could tell that Lexi also hadn't meant for it to happen but it did. Sara remembered, all those nights where all she could think about was Lexi, she remembered...

She was surprised that Lexi had agreed to get dinner with her. She even joked about it with her, "Huh, I didn't think I'd get this far." It caused Lexi to laugh, a beautiful sound, second to her voice. It was just dinner. Yet, dinner ended up lasting close to five hours, the two of them laughing at Sara's wit and charm, Lexi telling her stories of her early days as a doctor and some of her worst patients (joking with her that the Ryder twins fell under that category.) They both had more fun than they thought they would. They took the long way back to the Tempest, enjoying each other’s presence. When they made it back to the docking bay, Sara didn't know what to do. She felt like she had to do something, it made her feel like a teenager again. Where after a date with a girl she would stand at their porch thinking about doing something, but never knowing what. Of course, that led to her first kiss, a girl from her history class, her lips tasted like strawberry and they were the softest thing she ever felt. But this wasn't a date, was it? Lexi seemed to have sensed what she felt and she was the one who spoke first. "I... enjoyed this Ryder. Maybe more than I should have, but this was fun. I can't deny that." She gave Ryder a soft smile. "Heh, I feel the same. Maybe we can do this again sometime?" She felt like she was pushing her luck, but she wanted to risk it all, she wanted to give Lexi her all. "I think I'd enjoy that. Hopefully soon?" It took all of Ryder's strength to not jump up in joy, so she just gave a big smile. "Soon. Defiantly soon." That one little dinner bloomed into something more. 

Thinking of her left with a longing feeling in her chest. She wanted to seek her out but she really didn't want to leave her bed. She didn't want to pass by Drack and feel his eyes on her, she didn't want to pass by most of the crew. But she knew that Lexi was probably waiting for her to seek her out because of what SAM had to do. 'Sara, Lexi is at your door. She has been standing there for the last five minutes.' Seems like now she had no choice but to face her now. "Let her in, please." The door had a noise as it slid up to open, "I see SAM told you I was here?" 

'Yes, Dr. T'Perro. However, I have been meaning to request that you check on Sara.'

"Thank you, SAM. Sara, we need to talk about the things that have happened. More specifically SAM 'killing' you."

"I've been dreading this conversation."

"I know, but that can wait. Right now, no more Pathfinder and no more Dr. T'Perro. Only Lexi and Sara." Hearing that made Ryder perk up and made the tears start to form. She gripped the pillow tightly, "I can't Lexi. I just can't. How do I live with what I have to do? With the choices, I need to make? With the choices, I have made?" The tears flowed freely by that point. She could hear movement behind her and felt Lexi's weight on her back, she held her from behind as she cried. Sara began to sit up and when she did Lexi got to see her face. Scars, old and new dotting it, her faint laugh lines, but what hurt Lexi was what she saw in Sara's bright blue eyes. She could see the pain in them, eyes that always had mischief, laughter, and happiness in them were now broken. Just like the woman she loved. She pulled her in close and stroked her hair in a soothing motion and let Sara bury her face in her neck and shoulder. "I know Sara I know it's hard. You will get through this I promise." That was all she could really do. She could only hold Sara and tell her sweet thing until she fell asleep.

It took forty minutes for Sara to calm down. Now, she was still in Sara's room, but she was holding the sleeping woman close in her arms. Her hands were still in Sara's hair, softly combing through it. Sara was in a rather light sleep, she could feel Lexi's hands in her hair and she could hear her heartbeat. It was strong and steady, much like the woman holding her. She didn't want to get up again. She didn't want to leave, she wanted to stay where she was forever. Even then, she pushed herself up, so she could look at her lover. Neither of them spoke, both understanding what had passed. A moment of weakness for Sara, for the Pathfinder. But as she stared she could feel a heat pooling at her stomach and she moved to settle herself between her lover's hips. Lexi understood there to and brought a hand up to cup Sara's cheek. They stared at each other only for a moment before bringing their lips together in a soft kiss. 

Sara picked up the pace from there. Pushing herself up while pulling Lexi up as well so that Lexi was sitting in her lap. Her hands moved to where to zipper of Lexi's dress was and she pulled. Lexi felt herself shiver at what was to come. She pulled away from Sara only for a moment. "I love you Sara. Nothing will change that. Not the choices you make or have made, I'm yours. For as long as you'll have me." Sara looked into Lexi's eyes and she could see the vulnerability in them and the love. She cupped her lover's cheek and pulled her into a slow and deep kiss. "I love you too Lexi, and I intend to keep you. For as long as I can."


End file.
